How to Write Great Wedding Vows

In this week's podcast, Josh and Brian talk about the ideal length of a wedding vow, ranging from one to two minutes. This translates into about 250-300 words on average. It's important to keep your grades concise and avoid telling long stories. The hosts stress that vows should be a promise and an expression of love and trust, rather than focusing on the couple's history or first meeting. Vows play a crucial role in guiding the couple's story and are often used by videographers to create memorable wedding videos. It is recommended to practice reading the grades slowly and clearly to determine their duration.

Transcript:

Brian: In that one to two-minute timeframe, which we definitely recommend that you keep, you don't want to tell long stories. So, you know, I've had some weddings where they went into, you know, when we first met and our first date, and that probably was two minutes, uh, in of itself and. That's not necessarily a vowing.

Josh: Welcome to the Colorado Wedding Podcast, the ultimate place to plan your

Brian: Colorado wedding. From luxury weddings to intimate elopements, we'll guide you through planning your wedding in the beautiful state of Colorado. We're your host, Josh and Brian,

Josh: and we're here to give you insider tips and advice from all kinds of Colorado wedding

Brian: experts.

Brian: Join us and discover the best ways to reduce wedding stress and design your unique wedding day.

Josh: Hey there. Welcome to the Colorado Wedding Podcast, the ultimate place to plan a Colorado wedding. I am Josh, the owner of Ascend Media.

Brian: And I'm Brian, the owner of a Bookend Photography. Well, today

Josh: we're gonna talk about writing your vows.

Josh: Yes, it can be a very stressful topic for brides and grooms and a critical part of the day. Yeah, it's a big part of the day. A lot can rest on it. Um, and we're gonna talk about some tips to do to write 'em well. Uh, some dos and

Brian: don'ts. Yep. Just riding your bows. A couple things, what to do and what not to do.

Brian: And again, we, uh, we will have a template on Colorado wedding guides.com that might have these bullet points, that'll have these bullet points on it that if you need to remember them and, and maybe use that to write yours. But we don't want it to stress you out. I mean, it, it's. An awesome part of the day, and as videographers, selfishly, like, we're gonna be selfish here.

Brian: It drives your story, right? I mean, I, I think it's a huge. I, I use the vow, the audio from the vows in almost every single video that I edit. What about, I mean, same for you, right?

Josh: Yep. Unless they're super long or they just don't fit. Yeah.

Brian: And, and a lot of things can look similar on a wedding day, visually, you know, like you have the dress, you have the ceremony, that sort of thing.

Brian: Even if you elope, some of the things can look a little similar. Yeah. But I, I think the vows, even though you probably have some things like promises and things that we're gonna talk about that maybe. S kind of consistent. I think it, it makes that wedding video and makes that story and that memory. More unique than anything else sometimes.

Josh: Yeah. Yeah. So if we're gonna hop right in, um, Brian, what's, what's one of the first things you think of to do?

Brian: Yeah, so, so, so we're gonna start with what you should do in your wedding vows. So, um, and just kinda the questions that we get asked all the time by brides and groups. So one of the first things that we, that people ask us, how long should they be?

Brian: And they say, you know, I feel like mine are too long, or I feel like mine are too short. And generally, a good rule of thumb is they shouldn't be super long. Like one to two minutes is a good. Timeframe, how many words? Yeah, so that, that usually equates to anywhere between 250, 300 words, something like that.

Brian: So if, if you're really gonna be, you know, kind of try to nail that down. And the reason I say that is the reason that we, the reason that we say that is because I. You don't want to go on for a really long time during this ceremony, and now that if you're doing elopement, this might be a little bit different.

Brian: And also if there's a bunch of things that you wanna say that you wanna make your day special, we'll we'll tell you what to do with those sort of things. But as far as your vows go, when you're standing up in, in front of people, or even doing 'em privately, one to two minutes is a lot longer than people think it is.

Brian: Mm-hmm. So talking for two minutes. It should be plenty to cover. Cover what you're gonna say and then we can talk about that next. Okay. So then

Josh: when you're writing 'em, what do you, what do you put in? Yeah,

Brian: so, so the biggest thing about what you should be including is it should be about your why. It should be about why you are there for your wedding day.

Brian: So that is why you're choosing your spouse, why you are getting married. Why, why they should be marrying you. So the promises that you're gonna be keeping for them, and those are kind of the main things that you should be covering. And so if you cover how much you love your spouse, that's another way to say it.

Brian: If you cover what the marriage means to you and, and what you're excited for in the future, and, and if you cover. What your promises are in your marriage, whether you're religious or not. I mean, you're getting married and, and it's a commitment and why they should commit to you or, and I mean, you're not trying to convince them, right?

Brian: They already know this, but, um, you know, making sure that. Your your vow. It is a vow. A vowel is a promise. Right. So just making sure you, you're including those things. Those are kinda the main aspects. Mm-hmm.

Josh: Mm-hmm. But there's poetry there too. It's not just bullet points and cold. Yeah. Yep. Like, like you want it to reflect your own tone, how you normally talk.

Josh: So another thing to think about is you don't have to be formal or adopt a different voice. Yeah, yeah. That

Brian: isn't your own. Yeah. That, that's our third do is make it you.

Josh: Yeah. So how you talk, you know, funny jokes that you two have had together or ways just your voice works and how words you use. Yeah. And put 'em in there and be as true to you as you know you are.

Brian: Yeah. And, and I, I think it's totally fine to use, um, a Bible verse or a quote or, or something like that in there if it's meaningful to you. And, but be you. I mean, there, don't go to the thesaurus and say words that you never use. And, and we're gonna go through the don'ts here in, in a second and we'll cover some of that.

Brian: But yeah. Be, be you and, and talk to your spouse about things that they probably already know why you love them. Um, most of the things probably aren't gonna be a surprise in your vows, but sometimes it's just nice to hear because it might not be said all the time. Yeah. But yeah, definitely. Do

Josh: you, so when you're delivering your vows, what should your partner be doing?

Brian: Yeah. So that, that, that's our fourth point is, is what to do. When you're doing them, um, when you're doing your vows, and that's, look at your partner, you know, do your best to, and we, we'll talk more about this than the don't, but do your best to, to make eye contact and to embrace that moment. And I know that a lot of people don't like speaking in front of people, but the best you can do is you got, the best thing you can do is try to block that out.

Brian: Mm-hmm. And be personal and be, I mean, I can use the word intimate, I think, right? Because, Some of that speech is, is very, it is personal. It should be maybe one of the most personal outside of, out, outside of maybe therapy, but it should be, it should be a personal thing that you are sharing with your spouse.

Brian: And so, uh, when, when you're having the vows read to you, same thing, you know, make eye contact and just kind of, how would you say, like, let the words soak into you right.

Josh: So, yeah. Being present and being there is something gonna happen once. Yeah. Um, and it's a really special time.

Brian: Yeah. Focusing on those words, like this is not a time to be concerned about what your hair looks like.

Brian: If your suit is, if you know it's too tight, it's, it's just not a time for that because the, your. Spouse, your future spouse has wrote, most likely, has spent some time in those vows and thought a lot about it and stressed about it. And they're trying to tell you something that is critical to the ceremony and to, to your marriage.

Brian: Mm-hmm. So, yep.

Josh: Well, okay. So we've gone through some dues in vows. Let's do, let's go through some don'ts. Yep. Of what you wanna avoid. Don't do these things. Yeah.

Brian: So, one thing you didn't really hear us mention is stories. In, in that one to two minute timeframe, which we definitely recommend that you keep, you don't want to tell long stories.

Brian: So, you know, I've had some weddings where they went into, you know, when we first met and our first date, and that probably was two minutes, uh, in of itself. And that's not necessarily a vow. And, and I. Uh, take all these things with a grain of salt. I mean, if you want to do you, these are just our recommendations to kind of reduce stress and ha have the best ceremony and, and, and best day.

Brian: But, um, yeah, try to steer away from long stories or long per, like, really personal things that don't necessarily need to be shared with the public. Yeah. Kind of steer away from those things if you can.

Josh: And another point in terms of really length is removing, you know, excess words. If, if the word doesn't really need to be in there.

Josh: And it's not really adding to the story. There's not a whole lot of benefit in keeping a bunch of fluff really long sentences. For sure. You can be concise and you're gonna hit that one to two minute mark pretty quick. Mm-hmm. So we haven't seen a ton of vows that are too short

Brian: generally. Yeah. I mean there are some that are pretty short and we can talk about the end, kind of how to make that that yours.

Brian: But yeah, I think that's our second don't, is don't get super flowery and don't. Like I said, go to go to the thesaurus and, and try to, try to do a bunch of fancy stuff. And uh, the other thing is cliches don't, when it comes to the wordiness, like if you are copying and pasting something off the internet or stealing something from chat g p t, you might wanna be a little careful with that.

Brian: Uh, we love chat G p t, don't get me wrong, but it's definitely not meant for wedding vows and there are already gonna be. You if, if you have cliches, if you have certain things that you want to say may, that may be included in your ceremony, but generally it's not gonna be very meaningful to your future spouse if you steal something from a romantic comedy or a rom Yeah.

Brian: Or, or a romance novel and, and copy and paste that. Do your best to kind of write your own stuff and some of that stuff may come up, but if it's something that you hear at every single wedding, probably steer away from that too. Yeah.

Josh: Okay. So just our 0.3 on here, don't be afraid to talk to your partner during

Brian: that.

Brian: Yeah, and and even before that, I mean, so our, our, I think our third Don is don't be afraid to communicate. It's, it's, even though they don't need to hear your vows. Being aware that you probably want them about the same length. It, it is a little strange when someone has six minute vows, which we would already say is too long, right?

Brian: And somebody has a 32nd vows. So just communicate about, you know, Hey, how long is yours? And, and you know, that sort of stuff. I don't wanna ruin any surprises. I love surprises. I don't know Josh, like, you know, on the wedding day, I love getting that genuine reaction. So definitely, uh, they don't need to review your.

Brian: Review your vows and edit them and do all of that. But yeah, just communicate with your spouse about, about how long it's gonna be and, and kind of the, the emotion that you're going for. But yeah, you don't have to ruin the, ruin the surprise at all.

Josh: Yeah. And our final point here is don't wait until you're actually delivering them to read it off.

Josh: Do, do a couple, couple pre takes and get comfortable. Yeah. And say 'em, vocalize those words at least a couple times.

Brian: Yeah. How, how long, how long do you think they should. Be ready, like how many days ahead of time at least. Do you think they should be ready for that? Uh, just the night before? No, but I would say like five minutes before the ceremony.

Brian: I mean, how many weddings have we had where they are? Transferring the notes from their phone or even writing them the morning of,

Josh: oh yeah. I feel like grooms especially are guilty of, yeah, like a real last minute writing. I say they're guilty of that. Yeah. So don't, uh, it could just be so many people, too many weddings that happens, right?

Josh: Yeah. Just spend some time. But in practice, 'em. Uh, maybe a couple, two or three days before and get comfortable. Yeah. And so it just flows off so you can be more in the moment. You're not worried about pronouncing a word

Brian: coming up or, yeah. And generally, look, everyone's gonna be different about this.

Brian: Generally, you can kinda use bullet points and be familiar with it if you don't have to say every word perfectly. Um, some people want to do that, some people want to rehearse them. But if you're reading 'em for the second time in front of everybody, you didn't prepare. I mean it, it's, let's just be honest.

Brian: I mean that happens a lot. And they stumble over their own handwriting because their handwriting sucks or they wrote in cursive and

Josh: that yeah, if you stop the whole show 'cause you can't read your handwriting, that can be some flavor of who you are. But it just doesn't seem,

Brian: it don't do that as thoughtful.

Brian: Let's just, yeah, don't do that. Um, and so, I would read them, you know, 3, 4, 5, 6 times. So that, uh, going back to our do is, is make eye contact, be personal, and some of the best weddings I've ever shot, they pretty much had their vows memorized. Maybe not word for word, but they, they knew what they were gonna say and they didn't even have a book, they didn't have a phone.

Brian: Uh, you know, the phones can, can kind of, Phones already placed enough barriers in our lives, so your vows is not a great time for that. And vow books are awesome and everything, don't get me wrong, so it's good to have them there, but the best ones are when they're looking at the person they're marrying and they are doing that 80% of the time and not looking at their notes the entire time.

Brian: So yeah. Yeah, definitely don't wait for the last moment.

Josh: Mm-hmm. Well, um, do you have any extra tips for us? Before we wrap

Brian: up today, Brian? Yeah, yeah, I think we definitely, we, yeah, we have some extras here too that we should just cover. So we mentioned, you know, if you have a bunch of stuff you wanna say, right?

Brian: I'm a talker and, uh, Josh, maybe not as much as me, but you know, we have a lot of things that we want to say and we love our, our wives very, very much, and, We could go on for a long time about the things we love about them and how we met, and memories and all of that. That's great. I, I highly recommend that you have those in your mind.

Brian: And the best place to do that is to write a letter to each other right at the beginning of the day. Mm-hmm. Or, or having them have, having them read that letter. Yeah.

Josh: That in that letter, you can go in way greater detail. That can be really long, that can be three pages. And that's special between each other.

Josh: And so you, that could be really special to, to go into the detail and write longer stories and more personal. Yeah. You can be extra personal, more intimate stuff that you wouldn't say in front of

Brian: everyone else. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And some of those letters, uh, I don't, I, you know, I know the couple pretty well from being their photographer or videographer, but like, they'll make me tear up and I think that that is the perfect moment for that.

Brian: I mean, how often do you write a letter to your spouse? You're together as helpful. Not as often as I should. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So speaking of, you should probably do that right now. Um, but yeah, I, I think, you know, we can, what, we can put up some examples online of, of some of the types of, of letters and vows that, that we've seen mm-hmm.

Brian: That we really, really like. But yeah, those letters are amazing. And, and, um, I think that kind of leads to our, our second extra point is get those recorded. Um, and I'm not saying you have to hire a videographer or hire us to, to get those things recorded, but whether, even, even if you don't have someone doing video, I highly recommend you record that with your phone.

Josh: Just bust out your, your phone and go to the voice memos app and that just, or video,

Brian: just stick it quality enough. Yeah, lean it against the desk that you're reading the letter on, because. I will tell you right now that some of the audio I have, I, I saved the audio from when I proposed to my wife, and we have some of the audio from our wedding day, and I've listened to that many times throughout our marriage, and it just brings you back to that day in times of struggle and, and, and different things.

Brian: So get those things recorded and. E even if they feel private and it feels uncomfortable, like, I, I totally get it. I, I don't mind being in front of people, but I know that a huge portion of the population is, is not stoked to be, you know, to hear themselves reading a letter out loud or to hear their vows.

Brian: But, um, we normally do it like when you, when you do in video, like what we normally do it in a room by yourself. Mm-hmm. And maybe just us in the camera and, and just recording that stuff. But I've heard so many people say, Even if we, you know, we edit the, we edit a highlight video or something. We use some of that audio.

Brian: They almost, I've had a lot of people ask like, Hey, can we have that entire thing? Mm-hmm. Because it is, it is the message of why you're there and, and, and why you love each other. Yeah. So, um, I think the,

Brian: as well as this is this, yeah. The, the last extra I have is less of an extra and just kind of the whole point of this, the vows are not, They're not something to be checked off your list. That's not the only thing that they're for, and we totally get it. If you're someone who wants to have, you know, a pastor or an officiant, basically do your vows back and forth, you don't wanna do 'em publicly.

Brian: I still think that you should do them and, and I've heard that from many people. It's you communicating to your future spouse. And it's really important. And honestly, from a, a selfish standpoint, as a, a videographer, again, it totally drives the story of that couple, don't you think? Yes. Yeah. It just, it, it is what the video is around and if whatever the video is around should be the story of your love together, of your marriage.

Brian: Mm-hmm. And again, it may not, it may seem like just a thing that you don't want to do that day. Um, or maybe you do wanna do it, but it's something that. 20 years or 30 years down the road. It, it will bring back tears almost every single time that you hear it. Or, or if it's funny. It, and again, going back, you know, obviously put your own spin on it.

Brian: We talked about that, but yeah, it's gonna bring back those emotions from that day. And we know, I think sound is, is, is huge to get, get those things. Like in your memory. Totally. Yeah. So, yeah. So, uh, as usual, always go to Colorado, Colorado wedding guides.com and, and we have lots of things to plan there.

Brian: We're here to help you with your wedding day and reduce stress. Right, Josh? We love reducing stress. Yep. That's what we're all

Josh: about, reducing stress on the biggest day of your

Brian: life. Yep. So we want to be the ultimate place to plan your Colorado wedding. So thanks for listening to this episode of the Colorado Wedding Podcast and we'll, uh, Talk to you soon.

Brian: See you guys. Bye. Thanks for listening to this episode of the Colorado Wedding

Josh: Podcast. We hope you found our tips insightful for planning your Colorado wedding.

Brian: For all the free wedding planning tools, checklists and guides, go to Colorado wedding guides.com. Don't forget

Josh: to rate us on Apple and Spotify and be sure to follow us on Instagram at co wedding podcast.

Josh: We

Brian: appreciate you and hope you have the best wedding

Josh: possible. See you next time.